It’s funny how one person can feed all your insecurities and question your self worth because they fucked you up in the head and screwed with your fucking heart in the past.
I made this on October 9, 2011. The left side is what it looked like after I finished and hurriedly - and excitedly - took a grand shot of it with my phone.
To the right is what it looks like now on this day, November 30, 2013. It has worn down in the last two years; I have since neglected it after taking the original picture to show all my friends.
Every now and then, when I clean up my desk, I’ll see this to my left and I am reminded of how I have a tendency to create to impress instead of creating to create.
I am attracted to the idea
of your lips
exploring my body
as if it were a map
and you kept getting lost
I’ve been tardy and unmotivated to go to work and therapy for the past couple of weeks. I’ve been feeling down. Used. Isolated. Ignored.
I love my job and like making money while having fun like everyone else, don’t get me wrong, but I cherish days where I can simply not work - not worry about what my supervisor wants to see on a website, no animating anything from scratch again because she didn’t like the placement of a single pixel, no answering of emails left and right - days where I actually have time for myself, my mother and sister, and for friends. In fact, I am typing this in bed on this rainy and dreary day when I should be running my eyes over poorly executed HTML code.
I should be making money, but I’m not. I should be happy and having fun on this free day, but I’m not. I gave myself free time to destroy myself - with myself.
I can’t wait until I lose everything.