There was a time in April, years back, when I had my heart torn out and destroyed. I was preparing for exams, staying up to get the final pieces of information into my mind before I headed to bed. Though my studies were important, I was too focused on whether or not he would respond to my text messages, if he was okay as he hung out with a friend in celebration of his birthday. One on one.
I never trusted that girl, coincidentally named after the month I gave up on the idea of a relationship. I gave my warnings, but was ignored and judged as the jealous and controlling type; the emotional wreck with trust issues. Senseless judgments skewed by the sayings of one person. Any and every “I love you” following that night was another gash on my heart.
I was given up on when I never let go and no, I cannot simply “get over it.” I was not what he wanted, not what he was looking for, and never gave him what he truly wanted. To this day is bothers me.
"Am I good enough?"
"Am I enough?"
Thank you for creating the emotional wreck with trust issues, for destroying my sense of self and security for the years that followed.