- I have been relatively unmotivated with expanding, improving, and inching closer to mastering my hobbies and with attaining my goals of being a better and healthier version of myself.
- I have been hiding from social gatherings with friends; I spent every night of last week trying to make time for them, only to regret the fatigue I feel once I am home.
- I dislike falling asleep once I am home from work and settled in, since it takes time away from everything else I want to do.
- The uncertainty of my future has left me in a standstill. The lack of confidence in my skills leaves me feeling useless.
- I have been asked multiple times by friends and acquaintances about relationships now that I have graduated college as a single woman. “Now that you’re out of college, you won’t be meeting anyone new… How are you going to find the one?” “Sam, it’s over for you now. You graduated with no boyfriend.” Relationships have become unimportant to me for the past two or three years. I have crushes (i.e. I like their faces and/or smiles and/or butts), I check out men and panic when I get caught, I hang out with friends who are guys, but it was never a priority to actively go out and find someone—“the one”—to hug, kiss, have sex with, argue with, hold hands with, sleep with in the most literal sense, or have a memorable and emotional romantic roller coaster ride with. If it happens with whomever, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.
I can only think in fragments, in points that I cannot elaborate well on in the present and helplessly come back to in the future in hopes of writing with a clearer head and confident point of view. I can sit here for another hour trying my best to make this sound less of a complaint and more of an outpour of repressed thoughts neglected because there is simply not enough time in a day — and not enough energy.
It’s 2:00 AM here in New York. I have a few hours to sleep and make it through another 8 hour day.
— Frida Kahlo (via wakeupnat)